Last Tuesday, I had my first appointment to have saline injected into my expanders. Throughout this year-long cancer journey I've had lots of strange experiences, but being "expanded" might take the cake. So, you know I have these rubber/plastic expanders under my muscles and they have some saline in there. I will have these expanders for at least three months, until my body is healed enough to have the surgery to remove the expanders and replace them with the silicone implants. The expanders are hard and don't move. I don't have to wear a bra because, believe me, these things aren't going anywhere. Not up or down or sideways. So, I will visit the plastic surgeon about 4-5 times and he will inject more saline into the expanders to stretch out my muscle and skin. They explained the process to me before the surgery, but I was still very much surprised by the procedure!
My expanders have a port under the skin that's metal and magnetized. Sidenote: They said if I plan on flying, then I'll always set of the metal detectors at the airport and will have to explain. My concern isn't the airport. My concern is the Courthouse. I'm really not looking forward to explaining to the deputies why my breasts keep setting off the metal detectors. Considering the fact that the one time I wore a sleeveless shirt and jeans in there to file something on a Friday afternoon, one of them emailed my boss to thank him for sending me like that, they may be a little too eager to run the wand over me when I set off the walk-through...Anyway, back to the appointment.
The Dr. had me lay down on the table, and he ran something metal over the top part of my breasts and apparently found the magnet. He marked it and then numbed the area. His nurse then came over with a big needle attached to a tube, attached to a syringe that looked like it was made to vaccinate giants, and the syringe was attached to a tube that was attached to a big bag of saline. They injected the needle and the nurse started pushing the giant plunger on the giant syringe. Ok, here's the really weird part--I could feel it expanding. It felt like someone was blowing up my boobs like a balloon. It finally felt really, really tight, and they stopped injecting. I only had 50-70 ccs injected, but you could immediately tell a difference. It's a very strange feeling to walk in the Dr.'s office and leave 15 minutes later with bigger boobs. I'm still really small compared to most people, but it's exciting to see things growing! I'm probably about the same size I was before the surgery, but before the surgery, I was not afraid to use a push-up bra. These expanders are impervious to push-up bras. They do not move. So I'm looking forward to a couple more injections!
Yes, the expansion hurt. I was extremely sore for a few days. Extremely. But it's already better and getting better every day!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
These are a few of my favorite things...
It's time for your last-minute holiday gift guide, also known as Alison's Favorite Things. The only differences between Alison's Favorite Things and Oprah's Favorite Things are that 1) you aren't going to get any of these things unless you go out and buy them yourselves, and 2) you probably won't scream when I announce each one, unless you really like nail polish and Scottish Highlanders.
In no particular order of favoritism, here are some suggestions for last-minute gifts for yourselves or others:
1) OPI "You Don't Know Jacques" Nail Polish. It's kind of a plummy brown color, and perfect for your trendy girls (or boys) to wear in winter. Also, my friend Samantha had on OPI's "Burlesque" last night, which is a gold glitter and perfect for Christmas parties. http://www.opi.com/
2) Nick & Nora pajamas from Target. I received the "Kimono" print before my surgery, and I absolutely love them. They are the cutest and most comfortable pajamas that I've ever owned. I call them my "company pajamas" because I would put them on when I was expecting company, and I always got compliments.
3) A blanket made by Maxilea McCasland. I don't know if you can actually buy these right now, but if you can get your hands on one, you'll never regret it. Maxilea made one of her special throws for me, and I lived under that thing for two weeks. Then when I would go to bed, other people would take over and use it. Now, we all kind of fight over it. It's hands-down the most comfortable blanket that I have ever owned, and every single person that has seen it and felt it can't stop singing its praises. Not only is it soft and warm, it's very, very cute. One side is leopard print, and the other is a bright, fuzzy red. Here's a picture of Zac enjoying this amazing blanket:
4) Original artwork. I'm blessed to have friends who are artists, and they all create fun, uplifting work. (I'm sure they can also create sad, serious work, but for now, let's concentrate on the fun and uplifting.) For fun children's art and some AMAZING photorealism, check out my friend Katie at http://www.thepaisleypartridge.blogspot.com/. She can take a photo from one of your vacations or even a family photo, and turn it into a beautiful painting. I have one on my wall, and can't believe that my friend actually painted it. It's fantastic.
For all of my Texas people, my friend Erin Bingham (Rhonda B.) is also a very talented artist, who specializes in more abstract work. She just moved to South Texas and has opened a store. I also have one of hers hanging on my wall, and it makes me smile every time. You can tell her your colors and she will create an abstract piece that will pull every color in your room together.
For my more Southern friends, check out Lane Berg, who is around Vicksburg. He's a very talented young man who my family has been fortunate to get to know. I don't have one of Lane's hanging on my wall, hint hint to all of my family.
Look them up on facebook, and feel free to message them if you would like to buy something!
5) Books. I. Love. Books. I read all of the time, and the Fayetteville Public Library is one of my very favorite places in town. I read all kinds of books, and can be a little snobby about what I read. (Although, lately I've been reading more "trash" novels and thoroughly enjoying them.) This last year, however, I've become obsessed with a certain series of books about a time-traveling nurse and her love affair with an 18th-century Scottish Highlander. The first one is titled "Outlander," and I don't care how completely dorky it is, I absolutely love these books. They are thick, very historically detailed, silly, racy, and completely enjoyable. I've read every book in the series and even read the three novellas about a side character. I would get so engrossed in these books that I was reading them at lunch and staying up way too late at night because I couldn't put them down. If you like fiction, get this book. You have to make yourself get through the first part of the first book because it's a little slow, but you will not regret it. Or you may regret it when you can't get anything done and you aren't sleeping because you can't stop reading! And if you're anything like me, you'll want to immediately book a trip to the Scottish Highlands and find your own Jamie Fraser!
In no particular order of favoritism, here are some suggestions for last-minute gifts for yourselves or others:
1) OPI "You Don't Know Jacques" Nail Polish. It's kind of a plummy brown color, and perfect for your trendy girls (or boys) to wear in winter. Also, my friend Samantha had on OPI's "Burlesque" last night, which is a gold glitter and perfect for Christmas parties. http://www.opi.com/
2) Nick & Nora pajamas from Target. I received the "Kimono" print before my surgery, and I absolutely love them. They are the cutest and most comfortable pajamas that I've ever owned. I call them my "company pajamas" because I would put them on when I was expecting company, and I always got compliments.
3) A blanket made by Maxilea McCasland. I don't know if you can actually buy these right now, but if you can get your hands on one, you'll never regret it. Maxilea made one of her special throws for me, and I lived under that thing for two weeks. Then when I would go to bed, other people would take over and use it. Now, we all kind of fight over it. It's hands-down the most comfortable blanket that I have ever owned, and every single person that has seen it and felt it can't stop singing its praises. Not only is it soft and warm, it's very, very cute. One side is leopard print, and the other is a bright, fuzzy red. Here's a picture of Zac enjoying this amazing blanket:
4) Original artwork. I'm blessed to have friends who are artists, and they all create fun, uplifting work. (I'm sure they can also create sad, serious work, but for now, let's concentrate on the fun and uplifting.) For fun children's art and some AMAZING photorealism, check out my friend Katie at http://www.thepaisleypartridge.blogspot.com/. She can take a photo from one of your vacations or even a family photo, and turn it into a beautiful painting. I have one on my wall, and can't believe that my friend actually painted it. It's fantastic.
For all of my Texas people, my friend Erin Bingham (Rhonda B.) is also a very talented artist, who specializes in more abstract work. She just moved to South Texas and has opened a store. I also have one of hers hanging on my wall, and it makes me smile every time. You can tell her your colors and she will create an abstract piece that will pull every color in your room together.
For my more Southern friends, check out Lane Berg, who is around Vicksburg. He's a very talented young man who my family has been fortunate to get to know. I don't have one of Lane's hanging on my wall, hint hint to all of my family.
Look them up on facebook, and feel free to message them if you would like to buy something!
5) Books. I. Love. Books. I read all of the time, and the Fayetteville Public Library is one of my very favorite places in town. I read all kinds of books, and can be a little snobby about what I read. (Although, lately I've been reading more "trash" novels and thoroughly enjoying them.) This last year, however, I've become obsessed with a certain series of books about a time-traveling nurse and her love affair with an 18th-century Scottish Highlander. The first one is titled "Outlander," and I don't care how completely dorky it is, I absolutely love these books. They are thick, very historically detailed, silly, racy, and completely enjoyable. I've read every book in the series and even read the three novellas about a side character. I would get so engrossed in these books that I was reading them at lunch and staying up way too late at night because I couldn't put them down. If you like fiction, get this book. You have to make yourself get through the first part of the first book because it's a little slow, but you will not regret it. Or you may regret it when you can't get anything done and you aren't sleeping because you can't stop reading! And if you're anything like me, you'll want to immediately book a trip to the Scottish Highlands and find your own Jamie Fraser!
I'm going to dedicate another post to book reviews, because I've had lots of time to read lately and I always have opinions on books!
6) Colin Firth. Okay, so you can't actually get someone Colin Firth for Christmas. Although if any of you can actually gift Colin Firth, I would like to remind you that I've just gone through a very traumatic time in my life and Mr. Darcy would definitely make me feel better. (The only time I would ever play the cancer card would be for my very own Colin Firth.) Anyway, even though you can't actually give Colin, you can give Colin Firth movies! "Love Actually" is one of the best Christmas movies around, and a must-see every holiday season. A perfect stocking stuffer! As a 30-year-old single, I personally love "Bridget Jones' Diary" during the holidays, or anytime really. And, unashamedly revealing even MORE dorkiness in this post, my very favorite Colin Firth movie is the A&E miniseries version of "Pride & Prejudice," where Colin plays another, and my favorite, Mr. Darcy.
And as a Christmas present to you, I will leave you with this:
Merry Christmas!
Monday, December 13, 2010
Pity Party--reservations for one please
I'm feeling sorry for myself this morning. I'm tired of pain; I'm tired of waking up a million times in the middle of the night because I rolled over on my side or stomach; I'm tired of wearing pajamas; I'm tired of being tired all of the time. I'm sad that I have to miss Christmas parties and sad that my body looks weird and I can't wear something cute.
I need to stop looking at Facebook because I see all these people in their fun sparkly dresses and I get sad because I can't do that this year. Even if I went somewhere for a little while, I wouldn't be comfortable because right now, my body doesn't look or feel good to me.
I'm sad because my best friend had to send picture texts of her trying on different wedding dresses to get my opinion. I'm the maid of honor, and I should be there.
I'm sad because I'm not working out and feel like I'm getting really out of shape. (Ok, this one I can actually do something about, since I have a treadmill in my house. I did walk on it the other day, but haven't been able to roust up enough energy to get back up there.) I also need to start eating better, but it's so cold outside and my mom is such a good cook...haha, I have lots of excuses for why I should be able to eat comfort food and/or cookies every three hours.
Everyone keeps telling me that I have such a good attitude about this whole situation, and for the most part, I do. I wanted to be honest with all of you out there though, who seemed amazed at my positive attitude and strength. Ok, here's the truth: I don't feel that way all of the time. I'm weak, and occasionally, like this morning, I start feeling blue. Usually it doesn't last too long, and I have ways of pulling myself out of the blue hole. I already feel better after writing it all down. I do pray about my attitude, and honestly, I feel silly praying about wearing sparkly dresses, and that kind of embarrassed, silly feeling of not wanting to bother God who is dealing with REAL issues sometimes knocks me out of my funk. I get a little perspective then.
Another way to make myself feel better, especially on Monday mornings, is to remember what I'm doing on normal Monday mornings--going to felony court. Almost anything is better than going to circuit court on Monday morning.
Thanks for letting me vent. I feel better already.
I need to stop looking at Facebook because I see all these people in their fun sparkly dresses and I get sad because I can't do that this year. Even if I went somewhere for a little while, I wouldn't be comfortable because right now, my body doesn't look or feel good to me.
I'm sad because my best friend had to send picture texts of her trying on different wedding dresses to get my opinion. I'm the maid of honor, and I should be there.
I'm sad because I'm not working out and feel like I'm getting really out of shape. (Ok, this one I can actually do something about, since I have a treadmill in my house. I did walk on it the other day, but haven't been able to roust up enough energy to get back up there.) I also need to start eating better, but it's so cold outside and my mom is such a good cook...haha, I have lots of excuses for why I should be able to eat comfort food and/or cookies every three hours.
Everyone keeps telling me that I have such a good attitude about this whole situation, and for the most part, I do. I wanted to be honest with all of you out there though, who seemed amazed at my positive attitude and strength. Ok, here's the truth: I don't feel that way all of the time. I'm weak, and occasionally, like this morning, I start feeling blue. Usually it doesn't last too long, and I have ways of pulling myself out of the blue hole. I already feel better after writing it all down. I do pray about my attitude, and honestly, I feel silly praying about wearing sparkly dresses, and that kind of embarrassed, silly feeling of not wanting to bother God who is dealing with REAL issues sometimes knocks me out of my funk. I get a little perspective then.
Another way to make myself feel better, especially on Monday mornings, is to remember what I'm doing on normal Monday mornings--going to felony court. Almost anything is better than going to circuit court on Monday morning.
Thanks for letting me vent. I feel better already.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Cure for your sleepless nights...
So on Tuesday, I got the first set of drains removed. It was also time to stop taking my anti-inflammatory pills, which the Dr. described as heavy-duty Tylenol. Dr. Stacey warned that I may feel some discomfort and my still-embedded drains may produce more for a little while since they removed the first set. I didn't really listen to him; I was more concerned with the lightness I felt from having a set of liquid-filled grenades removed from my sides. Well, I certainly remembered those words from him later that night when I began swelling up like a toad frog. Per instructions, I've been wearing this very sexy white cotton bra from Wal-Mart ($6.00) that snaps six times in the front. (Six times!) They told us to get one or two sizes bigger because I would be a little swollen. I'm normally around a 33, so Mom got a 36. Well, by Tuesday night, every snap had come undone except for the top one, which was barely holding on, and straining with all its might. This was not an "oh my gosh, that girl's boobs are so big" kind of swelling. This swelling and straining was more like this:
I was puffy. All over. I don't really have much fullness, so it was more like hard expanders completely surrounded by swollen flesh. It looked weird and felt even weirder. I decided to go to bed, and propped my head up on pillows with a tea towel on my chest and two big bags of frozen peas. One for each side. Thank goodness for frozen peas. I left them on for a while, and when finished, just put them in my pink barf bucket that's still at the side of bed from when I first got home. I then slept better than I have for a long time. If you're having insomnia problems, perhaps you should try peas on your chest. Forget Ambien, Great Value frozen peas are cheaper, and they won't make you sleepwalk, sleepshop, or sleepdrive. And I guess you could even eat them the next day, although I don't really suggest going that far. Thankfully, the next morning, I woke up with a normal (my new normal) body minus the swelling. I guess my body adjusted, and my beautiful bra fits once again.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Great News!
And we all need some of that! I forgot to mention that Dr. Cross called the day after surgery and said that pathology came back and everything was cancer-free! That means no chemo and no more worries. He also said that there were lots of fibroadenomas in my tissue, so if I hadn't had this procedure, I would definitely be going back for MRIs and biopsies every six months. So the surgery was definitely a good choice. Although I never had any serious doubts about my decision to have the surgery, I really appreciated hearing this from Dr. Cross, especially when I was sitting there wrapped in gauze and unable to move without pain and questioning my sanity.
One Week Today
It's been one week since I had the surgery, and I feel great. I know I need to update everyone on this last week, and sorry it's taken me so long. I'm going to be pretty detailed, so if you don't want to read a lot, skip the rest and just know that I'm doing really well.
On the morning of surgery, I got to the hospital at 5 am. I was immediately put into a small pre-op room with a nurse who did all of my initial stuff like drawing blood, hooking me up to an IV and asking me every question under the sun, several times. I brought these very cute knitted knee-high socks to wear, but she informed me that if I "wasn't born with it," I couldn't wear it. I was not happy to hear this...anyway, I then had about 30 minutes to hang out with my family who all showed up super early to see me before the surgery. They also brought great fun gifts, so it was like Christmas morning, only instead of wearing fun pjs, I was in my birthday suit under a hospital gown and three blankets! About 6:30, I had to say goodbye and the nurse wheeled me back to the holding room. I met a million nurses and they asked me a million questions. I saw my Drs and Dr. Cross prayed over me. The fact that my surgeon prayed over me before the surgery made me feel sooooo much better. I was very scared, and knowing that I had a surgeon whose hands were being guided by Someone bigger than all of us made me a lot calmer. My friends Katie and Tasha, both nurses, came by to see me, and that also made me feel better. Ok, so then someone hooked me up to something or gave me a pill or knocked me in the head, because I don't remember anything else until I was in my room.
Once I was in the room, I had to ask three times for someone to get my mom. Nurse Destiny kept saying that someone else should have done that, and that wasn't her job, but she would ask. Finally, another nurse came in and asked if I had someone outside waiting for me. I said yes, a lot of people, and said that I had asked several times. This nurse acted very perturbed with Destiny and immediately got my family. I had been out of recovery for an hour, and they had no idea what was going on with me. (Thankfully, I had wonderful, amazing nurses after Destiny went off shift. For more Destiny stories, ask my Aunt Renee. She had to put the fear in Destiny, and if you know Aunt Renee, you know that is very scary, haha!)
The Doctors said the surgery took less than two hours and they were very pleased. I was on a lot of meds, so would try to stay awake and say hi to all my visitors when they came in and then I would fall back asleep. Dr. Cross came in the next morning and said everything looked great and I could go home whenever I felt like it. So, I went home on Wednesday, pretty sore and very incoherent, but pleased with the surgery. I also had four drains, which look like clear grenades attached to tubes that come out of my sides. Weird. And very uncomfortable. My mom was taught how to empty them, and was supposed to empty them several times a day. Thank goodness for Mom, because I don't know what I would do without her. These things are not easy.
I spent the next two days sleeping. I apparently watched movies and talked to people, but I don't remember. My pain pills made me VERY nauseous, so I just tried to sleep after I took one. They also made my pupils dilate to the point I looked like an alien. I tried to stop taking them a couple of days after surgery, and haven't had one since Friday morning at 5 am. I feel sooo much better now that I'm not taking those pills. And thankfully I haven't had too much pain.
Yesterday, I went back to Dr. Stacey and he removed one set of drains. Thank goodness. I hate these things. The other set will probably come out next week, and I will be sooooo happy.
Today was a momentous day for not just me, but everyone who lives with me and who visits me. I got to take a shower!!!! It was kind of tough, and I got pretty dizzy, but it felt soooo good to finally feel clean. I will probably take a nap this afternoon, because actually doing something like showering wears me out.
Overall, I'm very pleased with how things are going. I feel so much better than I thought I would, and the pain is much less than I thought it would be. I'm enjoying this time with family and really enjoying wearing pajamas every day. It feels like college break! Thanks everyone for checking on me. I love the texts and visits and emails and calls!
On the morning of surgery, I got to the hospital at 5 am. I was immediately put into a small pre-op room with a nurse who did all of my initial stuff like drawing blood, hooking me up to an IV and asking me every question under the sun, several times. I brought these very cute knitted knee-high socks to wear, but she informed me that if I "wasn't born with it," I couldn't wear it. I was not happy to hear this...anyway, I then had about 30 minutes to hang out with my family who all showed up super early to see me before the surgery. They also brought great fun gifts, so it was like Christmas morning, only instead of wearing fun pjs, I was in my birthday suit under a hospital gown and three blankets! About 6:30, I had to say goodbye and the nurse wheeled me back to the holding room. I met a million nurses and they asked me a million questions. I saw my Drs and Dr. Cross prayed over me. The fact that my surgeon prayed over me before the surgery made me feel sooooo much better. I was very scared, and knowing that I had a surgeon whose hands were being guided by Someone bigger than all of us made me a lot calmer. My friends Katie and Tasha, both nurses, came by to see me, and that also made me feel better. Ok, so then someone hooked me up to something or gave me a pill or knocked me in the head, because I don't remember anything else until I was in my room.
Once I was in the room, I had to ask three times for someone to get my mom. Nurse Destiny kept saying that someone else should have done that, and that wasn't her job, but she would ask. Finally, another nurse came in and asked if I had someone outside waiting for me. I said yes, a lot of people, and said that I had asked several times. This nurse acted very perturbed with Destiny and immediately got my family. I had been out of recovery for an hour, and they had no idea what was going on with me. (Thankfully, I had wonderful, amazing nurses after Destiny went off shift. For more Destiny stories, ask my Aunt Renee. She had to put the fear in Destiny, and if you know Aunt Renee, you know that is very scary, haha!)
The Doctors said the surgery took less than two hours and they were very pleased. I was on a lot of meds, so would try to stay awake and say hi to all my visitors when they came in and then I would fall back asleep. Dr. Cross came in the next morning and said everything looked great and I could go home whenever I felt like it. So, I went home on Wednesday, pretty sore and very incoherent, but pleased with the surgery. I also had four drains, which look like clear grenades attached to tubes that come out of my sides. Weird. And very uncomfortable. My mom was taught how to empty them, and was supposed to empty them several times a day. Thank goodness for Mom, because I don't know what I would do without her. These things are not easy.
I spent the next two days sleeping. I apparently watched movies and talked to people, but I don't remember. My pain pills made me VERY nauseous, so I just tried to sleep after I took one. They also made my pupils dilate to the point I looked like an alien. I tried to stop taking them a couple of days after surgery, and haven't had one since Friday morning at 5 am. I feel sooo much better now that I'm not taking those pills. And thankfully I haven't had too much pain.
Yesterday, I went back to Dr. Stacey and he removed one set of drains. Thank goodness. I hate these things. The other set will probably come out next week, and I will be sooooo happy.
Today was a momentous day for not just me, but everyone who lives with me and who visits me. I got to take a shower!!!! It was kind of tough, and I got pretty dizzy, but it felt soooo good to finally feel clean. I will probably take a nap this afternoon, because actually doing something like showering wears me out.
Overall, I'm very pleased with how things are going. I feel so much better than I thought I would, and the pain is much less than I thought it would be. I'm enjoying this time with family and really enjoying wearing pajamas every day. It feels like college break! Thanks everyone for checking on me. I love the texts and visits and emails and calls!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
I survived!
Well, it's the day after surgery and I'm at home already. The surgery took about 2 hours and the sugeons were really pleased. I haven't had too much pain, probably because I have no qualms about asking for pills! The drains are the worst part of this...I have four and they look like clear grenades attached to some tubes. And they hurt. My mom has to empty them several times a day and I'm so thankful that she isn't squeamish. I'll have one set of drains until next week and the others will come out the following week.
Thanks to everyone who called and texted or visited me in the hospital! I appreciate y'all so much. And sorry that I couldn't stay awake to talk too much. I can stay awake for just a little while and then I cannot keep my eyes open.
I'll update more when I get my computer back. It's at the shop :)
Thanks to everyone who called and texted or visited me in the hospital! I appreciate y'all so much. And sorry that I couldn't stay awake to talk too much. I can stay awake for just a little while and then I cannot keep my eyes open.
I'll update more when I get my computer back. It's at the shop :)
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